Getting off of the River of Denial

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally laid down for our second opinion ultrasound--full of hope that my husband and I were going to hear the words "I don't know what that other sonographer saw.  Your baby is fine."  Unfortunately, that was not the day's script.  The sonographer went straight to our baby's face, and said, "Oh, there it is. I see it."  Pretty simple words, and could really have been meant for anything.  But this time those words said that there is something wrong with the baby.  Due to our baby's placement, we were able to get 3D images of her face (something we couldn't get the first time), and see the bump on her nose.

And when I say bump, I mean it looks like someone put the tip of W.C. Field's nose on my baby's nose.  Maybe I'll post the pictures later.  I'd first like to edit out my name.  Bt on the images you would see a formed mouth and nostrils (ruling out a cleft palate or hairlip).  Her eyes are appropriately spaced, she has pinchable cheeks, and a pouty lower lip.  But you would also see the wide bridge of her nose that almost obscures her eyes, and you would be able to see the bump's rise.  It isn't a natural looking nose for an adult, let alone a sweet little baby. My thoughts went once again to Rudolph's parents, and I wanted to desperately keep people from staring and pointing.

After the ultrasound we met one of our new OB's.  He took a look at the images, and gave us an idea of what it could be.  He concluded that this bump was likely nothing more than a tumor that was either lymphatic or a cluster of blood vessels (as previously thought).  Harmless little defects that are easily taken care of and forgotten.  But to make sure, I was scheduled to have an MRI, Echocardiogram, and possible amniocentesis.

We felt heavy leaving the office.  We received more information, but at the same time lacked anything solid that we could focus on.  Just more worry and anxiety for upcoming tests and news.  We prayed a lot, and I felt comfort that things would be okay and that her nose would be an easy fix.  Those feelings relieved stress while waiting for our next appointments.  It is something I needed to not distress my sweet girl.  My husband struggled a little more, and looked up anything he could think of to get more information.  He needs to have it, while I need to know less in order to focus on the positive things I know: her constant movements, her healthy size, and the fact that no matter what I love her.